Egg rolls, tax law, and the VMAs

The guy sitting next to me in my evening tax law class was searching e-bay for the perfect European bow and arrow to buy. The guy sitting in front of me was handing out miniature egg-rolls to everyone before the class started and declared that he got them from the best egg roll and sandwich place in San Diego. I was unaware that egg-rolls and sandwiches went together, weird. Needless to say, future tax attorneys are strange. This is expected.

What is not expected is that when I put on the MTV video music awards, the artists represented would be awkward, insecure, attention seeking, and utterly dull. Sometime in the last decade – entertainers (mainly musicians and actors) – went from the embodiment of cool to somewhat pathetic.

But before I get into that, I’ll start with Madonna’s tribute to Michael Jackson. With all respect to the King of Pop, was this really necessary? I understand it’s the iconic annual event of the network that launched him into superstardom and the same network that he launched into a major media force and it was also the biggest death in music since John Lennon almost 30 years ago, but this was overkill. Madonna took what seemed like an hour (it was probably more like 10 minutes) to talk about what a wonderful person Michael was and how it is not fair how when the media turns against you, it’s almost like you can’t fight everyone’s perception of you. You know what, that’s the shit you signed up for Madonna. You get millions upon millions of dollars, worldwide recognition, respect, and love, but you also put yourself in the spotlight. As much as you get adoration, you have to deal with the criticism as well. That goes for you and that goes for Michael Jackson.

That being said, beyond the controversy of what he might or might not have done that was beyond appalling if true, his untimely death was very unfortunate and I feel bad for all of his friends and family…However, that does not mean I feel bad for the person who puts on her facebook status that she ‘is devastated that Michael died…I can’t even finish my Pinkberry I’m so upset.’ Really? You knew him? Leave the grieving to the people who loved him and don’t try to attach yourself to another’s tragedy. There will be a time when you lose someone you love and they will deserve your affection.

I just don’t understand how whenever a famous person dies the first thing we do is place them in one of two categories: 1) He/she was a great person and deserves endless sympathy, 2) He/she brought death upon himself/herself or was a bad person and we shouldn’t waste our tears…The truth is that we do not know these famous people who are dying so we should not be making subjective determinations about the kind of people they were…The proper way to pay respect is to admire them for how you knew them ie their career. So back to Michael Jackson, mourn him for the great music he made, the way he changed popular music, and the influence he had on our culture. Let the ones close to him mourn Michael the person and we can mourn the single glove and the moonwalk. By the way that thriller tribute was fucking legit, not Madonna’s bullshit look-at-me speech which set the tone for the night.

Back to the VMAs…I remember when I was a kid this award show was actually relevant. First of all, I actually saw the videos up for the awards, perhaps because MTV actually played them. It’s kind of funny how MTV still puts so many resources into the VMAs when they are responsible for killing music videos by never playing them before 3am, so we can get shows like ‘Room Raiders’ or ‘I’m 12 and my hillbilly boyfriend knocked me up’ or whatever they are airing these days. I loved music videos when I was younger, so did everyone else, I would still love them now, and so would all the little pre-teen kiddies that MTV is so desperate to target.

I remember watching Blink-182 running around naked for ‘What’s my age again?’ and thinking they were the most badass dudes on the planet. I remember thinking that Billy Corgan must pull so much ass when witnessing the serenity of the ‘Tonight, Tonight’ Smashing Pumpkins video even though he looks like a dwarf version of Uncle Fester. Shit I even remember that every time a Will Smith movie came out, I would get to see him have a non-profane awesome music video with either cowboys or aliens or some other eccentric entity. I remember ‘California Love’ with Dre and 2-Pac made me want to be black soooo bad – Still, when I hear the song I’m so glad that I’m from California and can somewhat pretend that makes me one with Dre and Pac. And I don’t even need to describe how innovative ‘The Red Hot Chili Peppers’ videos were. And TLC ‘Waterfalls’ almost singlehandedly made my whole generation afraid of AIDS just because of the part where the guy looks at his sickly eyeballs in the mirror after that blonde skank didn’t want him to wrap it up. Music videos are extremely powerful and I can’t believe MTV and the whole music industry lost sight of that.

Now on to the pathetic contemporary artists…10 or 15 years ago when an artist was privileged enough to be nominated for a VMA or to perform at the show, it meant he/she was fucking rad. They were our idols. All the musicians (and actors) back then were so cool because they truly didn’t give a shit and they sure as fuck didn’t twitter. Dr. Dre, 2pac, Biggie, the Sublime guys, Anthony Kiedis, Kurt Cobain, even Alanis Morisette…they played their music and that is who they were. And I know you can say well Jay-Z and Eminem and Green Day and a lot of those other artists are still around…Very true, but they are what is remaining of the glory days and soon enough none of them will remain.

But now times have changed. Artists don’t have the liberty of not caring because in this internet-driven world if you are not garnishing constant attention you are forgotten. Back then the artists could be completely disinterested, but we would still listen because the record companies and MTV would push their product. Today, the product doesn’t even matter compared to the persona…the image of the person. And the attention has to be brought on by the artists themselves…byway of MySpace and twitter and popping up on the internet gossip sites. And that leaves us with trash like Lady Gaga.

We get it, you’re wild…your name is Lady Gaga, it is self explanatory. You wear crazy shit and talk about how you are bi-sexual and draw inspiration from beautiful women…Wow how groundbreaking…if it was 1982. I understand similar things can be said about Gwen Stefani, but she really was a weird little punk rocker chick. Lady Gaga is just some attention whore who knows if she does strange shit people will pay attention to her. It is like she read a book on how to act so 12 year olds will think you are unique and buy your record. It’s sickening and she represents all that is wrong with the music industry. Nevermind, I take back the beauty of the music video, I’d rather watch meatheads roid out on each other in some foreign island than watch this hack run around half-naked wearing some kind of neon space suit panties and making out with female hobos for 4 minutes (I imagine that’s what her video would be).

And someone tell Pete Wentz and all these new-age rockers that punk is not about eyeliner, little vintage shirts, girl jeans, and giving your kid like 6 weird names…I read the perfect description of punk on a friend’s website [I’m paraphrasing]: “Punk is about being who you are and not giving a shit what people think.” Now that I think about it, the whole music industry used to be punk and that led to a generation of true individuals.

I wouldn’t care that pop-music sucks so bad these days and that all the artist’s don’t know the first thing about creativity and authenticity, but this is music that a whole generation of young people are listening to and these are artists that they will look up to and emulate. I understand that although the internet has led us here, it is also responsible for enabling us to easily find new music and for start-up artist’s to get recognition much more easily and without major label influence. However, modern underground music like The Sounds, Blackalicious, MGMT, Citizen Cope, Donavon Frankenreiter, Gang Starr, TV On The Radio (Just to name a few), even if it is great, still for the most part remains underground music. It is important that popular music be of a certain quality and that the personalities behind it be captivating. Or else we are going to end up in a world full of Lady Gagas and Pete Wentzs. And that my friends, is totally not cool.